Tips for handling sticky holiday situations

<p align="left">Despite the wishes of good cheer circulating this time of year, holidays come with a fair share of stress. Worries about unwanted gifts, narrow-minded relatives, and too many fruitcakes can wear upon even the most fun-loving parent. But children are young for such a fleeting time; don't let stress ruin your season. This year, blow the whistle on any issues that cause you to utter bah-humbug.

The Travel Pressures

Every year, you load your car with gifts, kids and the dog to trek to your parents' house for Christmas week. You'd love to spend just one Christmas morning at home -- yet you can just hear your mother's sobs when you break the news. What to do?

Don't drop a bomb on mom and expect it to go smoothly, warns Jodi R. R. Smith, owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting of Salem. "Start well in advance," advises Smith. "Lay the groundwork for your decision with many mini-conversations."

Then, break the actual news well in advance. "Tell her all you want for Christmas is to sleep in your own bed, no gift wrap required," Smith says. "Keep it short, expect her to be upset, but stick to your guns. Invite her to join you. Remind her you still love her."

The first year will be the hardest, but once you've approached the issue, you might begin a new tradition that everyone will enjoy.

The Shopping Woes

You're not sure which is worse: The hours you spend hunting the mall to buy for everyone in your extended family, or the piles of perfume and slippers you end up with in exchange. And with marriages and children, the list just keeps growing. You're really not a Scrooge, but this gift exchange is out of hand.

Chances are your brothers and sisters might be sharing the same feelings, yet nobody wants to jilt the others by bringing it up.

"Convene a quick pow-wow to gently suggest an under-$25 gift giving policy, or suggest drawing names instead of buying for everyone," offers Smith. If distance prevents such a gathering, circulate a carefully worded letter or e-mail.

Be sure to focus on the positive: Less time shopping, more focus on the younger family members, less overall cost. Remain open to suggestions.

"You may be out-voted," warns Smith. "When this happens, ease your pain. Instead of finding a separate gift for each adult, find one thoughtful gift that you can buy in bulk: a bottle of wine from your summer road trip, or a gift certificate for a family friendly restaurant in the area."

The Gift List Growth