Mike Nadel: Who's No. 1? We'll never know
Ohio State so obviously is No. 1, how can anybody even debate it?
Just look at these impressive Buckeyes victories: OSU 38, Youngstown State 6 ... OSU 20, Akron 2 ... OSU 48, Kent State 3.
I mean, only a numbskull would claim Ohio State isn't the No. 1 college football team in all of Ohio.
As for the Buckeyes being No. 1 in the nation, who the heck knows?
The coaches? Each of these men of great (tunnel) vision sees little football that doesn't directly impact his own squad. The Missouri-Oklahoma game matters only if the next opponent is Missouri or Oklahoma.
Instead of voting in the USA Today poll, many coaches let their assistants, sports information directors, secretaries or kids vote. And some of the coaches who do vote have ulterior motives. Steve Spurrier likes putting doormat Duke on his ballot because "they hired me twice when I had no job." And, sources say, because blue is his favorite color.
The writers? We see more games than the coaches do. But when AP pulled the writers' poll from the formula that determines the mythical national champion - a correct decision because the media should report the news, not make it - it turned the thing into a mere conversation piece.
That's all college sports polls should be, anyway: water-cooler fodder in anticipation of an actual championship tournament.
How about the 114 panelists on the Harris Interactive poll? Sure, when they're not voting for a UCLA team that fell at home to Notre Dame, a Purdue squad fresh off two lopsided losses or a 2-4 Stanford team. Drug tests for football pollsters, anyone?
The Harris and USA Today polls each decide one-third of the mythical championship rankings (also known as the BCS standings). The final third comes from a compilation of six computer rankings. Add heaping helpings of hype and a ton of conference-strength-related inequity ... and you have the recipe for the Jan. 7 mythical title game.
As a method of determining a champion, it's slightly less effective than rock-paper-scissors, one-potato-two-potato or eenie-meenie-minie-moe would be.
The polls seem especially useless in a year filled with remarkable upsets, amazing twists and crazy turns. The only sure thing is that there's no such thing as a sure thing.
Let's look at what this week's BCS standings tell us:
- Ohio State is No. 1. This works if you pretend the Buckeyes aren't in the Bad Eleven Conference. Making believe they've played somebody better than the U.S. Nun's Academy also helps.
- South Florida is No. 2. It would be fitting if the Bulls win a full-of-bull title.
- Boston College is No. 3. Being the ACC's best football team is like being the Cubs' best clutch hitter.
- LSU is No. 4. After losing to a Kentucky squad sporting the same 6-1 record, it's only logical LSU should be three spots ahead of the Wildcats.
- Hawaii is No. 18. Maybe in Ohio. (Those how-they-rate-in-Ohio jokes just never get old!)
-Michigan is No. 25. Yes, the proud Big Ten almost has two top-24 teams.
For the record, my Top 10 this week would have Kentucky, LSU and South Carolina tied for first, followed by Oklahoma, Arizona State, South Florida, Ohio State, Boston College, California and Oregon.
Memo to Buckeye backers poised to make my e-mail in-box explode: Your heroes might be No. 1. Or they might not be.
Although I say an undefeated Big Ten team isn't as good as any of several one-loss SEC teams (which beat up on each other weekly), I fully admit I might be wrong. I'm wrong about many things - just ask my wife - but we'll never know if I'm wrong about this because the powers-that-be won't let me be wrong or right about it.
Have you heard one viable reason that the championship shouldn't be determined by a playoff system? Just one reason? Neither have I. You know there should be an NCAA Division I-A football tournament, I know it and even the 9-year-old kids who vote in the coaches' poll know it.
BCS apologists - and there are a few lost souls out there - say "every game counts" in that system. In essence, the entire regular season serves as the playoffs.
Three words: Uneven playing field.
If "every game counts," is it really fair that Ohio State-Michigan counts the same as LSU-Kentucky, Cal-Oregon or Oklahoma-Texas? Should a team in a bad league have such an overwhelming advantage in any equitable system?
Eenie-meenie-minie-moe ... catch a BCS team by the toe ... if it stumbles, let it go ... eenie-meenie-minie-moe ... and out goes Y-O-U!
Sorry, losers. Next time, find a better conference. And by better, of course, I mean worse.
Mike Nadel (mikenadel@sbcglobal.net) is the Chicago sports columnist for GateHouse News Service. Read his blog, The Baldest Truth, at www.thebaldesttruth.com.