Quips and Quirks: My real-life, imaginary, online friends

When I was preparing for my wedding back in 2000, one of my bridesmaids turned me on to this Web site called "The Knot." It's a planning site that offered reminder e-mails and an address book feature, and it also offered a message board, where we brides-to-be could post to one another.

I expected a place where I could get some advice on bouquets, invitations and china patterns. I never predicted I'd still be in touch with these ladies (and two men) more than seven years later.

After our respective weddings, we grew predictably weary of the "what color flowers with navy bridesmaids dresses?" questions. One of the women started a message board for newlyweds and now, even though I'll be married six years this weekend, I still check in. There have been several specialty spin-offs - one for homeowners, one for moms, moms-to-be and women trying to conceive, for example - and some smaller, more intimate boards, which are by invitation only.

We talk about our jobs, husbands, in-laws, kids, TV, fashion, you name it. Over the years, we have become a community, part John-Boy saying goodnight to Mary Ellen and part Days of our Lives.

My husband used to tease me about my "imaginary friends" and ask me exactly what I ask the teenagers I know: "How do you know MrsMick or Anadama22 is not an old man from Omaha?" I'd relate the latest board drama to him and he'd scoff, "That has to be made up." For a while, any time I brought up a timely topic, he'd say sarcastically, "Did you hear that on the board?"

But then our foster daughters came home … and two weeks later, we received a huge box from Borders Books. One of the women worked there, and she used her employee discount to organize a book shower for us. When the little girls went back to their parents, a gift certificate for a romantic dinner out showed up.

This time around, when our kids' adoption was finalized, my "imaginary friends" sent cards and gifts and made donations to our adoption agency - and most of these are people we've never met face to face. I continue to be touched by the kindness and generosity of these virtual strangers.

And it's not just me. Several of us sent food and flowers when one of our guy members lost his wife this past spring. People have hunted down and sent hard-to-find specialty items, baby gifts and Christmas gifts. It's a font of information, because when you have instant access to 463 people, you can ask, "Has anyone ever…" just about anything, and chances are, someone has.

There's some truth to the idea that you can't really know someone only through a computer. One member, whose postings left us wondering about the stability of her mental health, tracked down a fellow member at her government job and called her. Another last year organized a discount purchase of baby shoes and promptly took the money and ran. (She didn't run far; people were reimbursed and she ended up going to court, but it was a little hairy for a while.)

We refer to that as "Pedigate," or "The Great Pedipeds Scandal of 2006."

I would also be remiss if I didn't note that the message boards have made me seriously appreciate my Rich. I know he's a good guy, and I also know that, even on his worst day, he would not dream of asking me to split the cost of our child's car seat or giving our last $5 to a stranger outside a convenience store and then offering said stranger a ride.

Both of those things, if you can believe what you read, happened to women on the board.

So many of these screen names have come out of the computer and into my life. NervousChick and I babysit each other's kids, and we meet ShellyBear and Joydyan for lunch as often as we can. TheOneAndOnlyDebi's husband built our addition, almost single-handedly. I hope to see IrishNYC1103 soon - her sister lives locally and we've become good friends, even though she's a Yankees fan. On our family vacation this year, we stopped and had lunch with Litebulb in North Carolina. We were going to stop and see Lilired and Das, but the scheduling didn't work out. Next year, we're hoping to meet jmorris if we make it out to my best friend's in Phoenix, and to have TrollHunter come by if she spends another week on the Cape. I've already bought ktsurly's baby the cutest thing, and she's not due until February.

They don't feel imaginary at all.

For those brides-to-be who might be wondering, the answer to the above question is yellow. Yellow flowers with navy dresses. And I will share with you all our favorite, tried-and-true message board fashion tips: wear a nude-colored bra under a white shirt and never wear hose with open-toed shoes.

Christine M. Quirk is the editor of MotherTown. She lives with her family in Clinton and can be reached at mothertown@cnc.com.