Schools seek civility from parents

The school department is in the process of drafting a "civility policy" aimed at halting the escalating verbal abuse from parents aimed at teachers and administrators across the district.

Although the policy is still in its infancy, Superintendent Stephan Flanagan said, it will promote "a mutual respect, civility and orderly conduct" among the parents, teachers and administrators.

The problems have included anything from nasty phone calls questioning school policies, to verbally abusive parents going to the school administration building to confront the superintendent.

Flanagan said the lack of respect is a growing problem, one that he fears will only get worse.

One recent incident involved a high school student who was suspended for violating a high school policy. After the student's father got nowhere yelling at the vice principal of the school, he went directly to the superintendent's office. Because the incident had just happened, Flanagan had no information on it and referred the parent back to the high school administration. Not taking kindly to the direction his argument was going, the parent ended up swearing at Flanagan a number of times and grabbed himself in his private parts before being asked to leave.

"I'm getting sick and tired of the language, the entitlement, the demands and outrageous expectations," said Flanagan. "No teacher or principal should have to put up with any of this abuse."

Under the new civility policy, Flanagan said, there will be a step process, similar to the one used in disciplinary actions, that will be made against a parent who becomes unruly. Steps include filing a written report on the behavior, ending a meeting and possibly getting the police involved if the situation warrants it.

"In my opinion, parents of this generation have done without nothing, where our parents had to scrap and fight for what they wanted," said Jake Costa, principal of Luther Elementary. "They want what they want when they want it, and they're not going to wait."

The parent of a transfer student recently was instructed on the things that the child would need in order to get the transfer. Costa said the parent looked at him and said "when in the hell am I going to find the time for this," about paperwork that all transfer students must provide. The school sometimes receives angry phone messages left by parents, and Costa makes it a habit of waiting a day before calling that parent back, just in hopes of whatever was bothering them has subsided.

"Parents need to understand that there's so many things going on in this building besides just their child. We deal with a lot of issues, including MCAS," said Costa. "We know the parents are also dealing with many things at home."

Mark Hoyle Elementary Principal Bill Courville said there will always be some times when the parent, teacher or administrator will agree to disagree, but there is no reason for those situations to get out of hand.

"All we're asking for here is mutual respect when you come through this door. I give it, and I expect it back," Courville said.

Second-year Brown School principal Liz White said that most parents are very supportive of the work her staff does, but the small percentage of parents have expectations that have become "unrealistic."

"I would never think to call my own child's school principal and be verbally abusive, especially if I was looking for help," said White. "Everything is so accessible these days, that people are seeking immediate gratification, and taking shortcuts is becoming a way of life. People have begun to pull away from working really hard to move one inch forward."

Case Jr. High Principal Bob Monteiro said the biggest problem between the parents and teachers is a diminishing relationship.

"Trust between the administration and teachers in dealing with a situation with a parent is of paramount importance, and I feel that that has been lost or digressed over time," said Monteiro. "A majority of our parents are understanding, but the majority is not the problem."

Monteiro said he believes part of the problem stems from parents taking more of an enabling role with their children instead of a disciplinary one.

"We try to stress to the parents that this is a group effort and that we need the support from both the parents and the teachers in order for the child to succeed," said Monteiro. "Before dealing with a situation, there is a need of talking things out, taking a step back because there are always two sides to every story."

Case High Assistant Principal Robert Silveira said it was hard to quantify whether the problem is worsening with the parents, because he's in his second year as vice principal at the high school. But it's something that can't be ignored either, he said.

"Most of the parents are understanding, but not pleased when dealing with us and a disciplinary action involving their son or daughter," said Silveira. "Some parents don't understand what it takes to run the school in order to maintain order and discipline. Insubordination is something that can tear this school apart."

Silveira said when he was going to school, kids were taught to respect teachers and the overall consensus when it came to principals was one of fear, but he said those feelings are no longer prevalent.

"We had a situation the other day where a student talked back to the teacher, and the parents' first question was what did the teacher do (to provoke it)," said Silveira. "Parents will also say that they feel we are picking on their son or daughter, even if they are not following the rules. Respect for administration is not the same as it used to be."

Flanagan stressed that the proposed "civility policy" was not about taking away any parents' freedom of speech or limiting access to the schools. It's more about working the parents through the proper channels in confronting concerns and creating a respectful and professional environment between the all involved.

"It's about basic respect," said Flanagan.

E-mail Jay Pateakos of The Herald News (Fall River, Mass.) at jpateakos@heraldnews.com.