Dear Michael: Valentine's Day for Dummies

Dear Michael,

If another year and another Valentine's Day comes and goes and I don't get a diamond, I swear to God I'm leaving. We have been together for 12 years. We've been living in sin, and my family is disgusted with me. I don't know how the other girls trap their men and get them to the altar, but I need to know how they do it. Is there a book like Valentine's Day for Dummies? What can I do?

Sincerely,

Sinful Living