Elizabeth Davies: To those who create Super Bowl ads: Funny equals good

Some people watch the Super Bowl for the snacks. Some people watch it for the halftime show. I've heard some people even watch it for the football.

Personally, I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials.

While I enjoy catching a good football game during the regular season, I have trouble focusing when the Super Bowl rolls around. There are too many other distractions, like greasy pizza, cold beer and Visa's Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon ad.

Super Bowl ads have become high entertainment for the game's 90 million viewers in recent years. Some have become classics: Bud's Real Men of Genius. A 1950s Britney drinking Pepsi. Michael Jordan and Larry Bird having a shoot-off for a Big Mac. We talk about those ads in the days and weeks to follow. If one is really good, we're still talking about it the following year.

But those Super Bowl commercials come at a high price: $2.7 million for a 30-second ad, plus the cost to produce something that will make the public love you. And, of course, these commercials all run the risk of backfiring: They don't make a list of the "all-time worst Super Bowl ads" for nothing.

This year, I have a few pointers for the brains over at the ad agencies, should they care to know what a Midwestern mom thinks about their Super Bowl pitches:

1) Cut back on the breasts and beer. Do we really need to have quite so much of those? I know football is a man's game, but the Super Bowl is viewing time for the entire family.

2) Diet products: Are you kidding me? If you're hawking weight loss, save your breath. We're chowing on buffalo wings and cheese dip. Don't bother us with minor details like a healthy diet until Monday.

3) Bring on the animals! The Budweiser frogs were funny. The referee zebras were good for a giggle. There must be something about animals that make for a memorable commercial, so keep 'em coming.

4) Make it funny. You're catching us somewhere between beer No. 4 and beer No. 5. Sentimental just isn't working for us right now.

5) Skip the words "male enhancement" altogether. Again, this is supposed to be family entertainment. What parent really cares to explain that to his kid?

6) Use some star power. Actors, ball players and socialites can deliver some pretty funny lines, particularly when they're doing parodies.

7) Tell us about your product already. Every year, guys everywhere look forward to the GoDaddy.com commercial. They still remember, frame by frame, the GoDaddy commercial from the year before.

Of course, not a single guy can tell you what GoDaddy is. But dang, they want to work in its marketing department.