Charita Goshay: Lines for massages in wildfire area cause for concern
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I'm here to give you the latest update on FEMA's response to the Orange County wildfires. I'm Vice Admiral Harvey Johnson, deputy director. I'll take your questions now."
Reporter: Sir, what kind of grade would you give your agency for its response to the disaster?
Johnson: Oh, I'd say a B-plus.
Reporter: Why not an 'A'? You guys were brilliant.
Johnson: Well, there's always room for improvement. We only were able to offer four brands of organic teas, and some escapees had to wait as long as 20 minutes for a massage.
Reporter: Admiral, Stephen Glass, Sike Magazine. How did FEMA become so efficient?
Johnson: Well, Stephen, we'd like to think we're simply following the example set forth every day by our commander in chief. Of course, we'd be remiss if we didn't give some of the credit to the firefighters.
Reporter: How do you explain the lack of widespread looting by Orange County residents, as compared to those welfare ingrates in the Gulf? Are Southern Californians just, well, better than the people down there?
Johnson: (Laughs) That's just -- yes.
Reporter: Admiral, Brock Hardtack, Action Blab News. Does FEMA feel vindicated as a result of its response in Orange County?
Johnson: Well, I don't know if 'vindicated' is the right word, Brock. No one can argue that we didn't do a great job here, but certainly our response in the Gulf could have been a little better.
Reporter (Garver): A little?
Johnson: We're drifting from the subject. Next question.
Reporter (Garver): But isn't the need in the Gulf much more extensive because the damage there was greater? Can you honestly compare the loss of a couple of thousand homes in Orange County to the 200,000 homes that were lost in the Gulf?
Johnson: Well, no but ...
Reporter: Admiral, Jeff Gannon, editor-in-chief, Good Patriot Press. Have you always been so handsome and dashing?
Johnson: Well, I'm not sure what that has to do with -- yes.
Reporter: Sir, Jason Blair from the Veritas News Network. Can you confirm our reports that Gov. Schwarzenegger not only carried a family of five out of a burning home, but also put out one of the fires by himself using the hide of a grizzly bear he skinned bare-handed?
Johnson: Yes. Yes, he did. Let me just say that the governor's performance has been stellar, just like his movie characters. He's been like "Conan the Barbarian" meets "Robocop."
Reporter (Garver): The governor wasn't in "Robocop."
Johnson: Before we conclude, I want to announce that this is my last press conference for FEMA. I've taken a promotion with the State Department. Before I leave, are there any further questions? Grandma? Uncle Jimbo? Thank you.
Reach Canton Repository writer Charita M. Goshay at (330) 580-8313 or
e-mail:charita.goshay@cantonrep.com