$10 billion dollar dots, black holes

</element><element id="paragraph-1" type="body"><![CDATA[Life was idyllic Sunday swimming, splashing and skipping stones at Lusk Creek Canyon.

Even the crawdads seemed to be enjoying the day as they shot backwards just out of reach of 8-year-old David Matthews' twig. The only danger that day was the off chance of a tossed rock bonking someone or an unpleasant pinch from a crawdad claw.

Sunday, unlike Tuesday, was a wonderful day. Sunday was a day free of any fear the earth may be swallowed up by black holes created by scientists in Geneva, Switzerland. That unexpected fear came Tuesday when I crawled out from under the rock I apparently reside beneath.

How did this one get by me? Groups are suing the CERN scientists, indicating they do not agree joy depends on the ability to create black holes. These detractors do not like the possibility of their routines being altered by the stretching and narrowing of their bodies into the shape of an angel hair pasta noodle.

But we must not be cynical about the Large Hadron Collider, described as the biggest physics experiment in history. The advances of science can be astounding. It would be nice to know that an atom's nucleus can be smashed up into even smaller bits, recreating the moment of the Big Bang and possibly proving the existence of the Higgs boson or "God particle," theorized to be the basis of all matter. We could all rest easy after that mystery is finally solved.

And if those scientists goof and a black hole is created that somehow escapes the confines of the supercollider's 17-mile tunnel, becoming larger as it sucks up CERN scientists and computers and the mountain goats off the Alps, silencing all the yodeling once and for all, gobbling up all the Swiss chocolate, growing ever larger until not only all life, but the very planet itself disappears into another dimension, at least we won't have to worry about high heating prices this winter. Spaghetti strands don't have to pay bills.

"It's nonsense," CERN spokesman James Gillies told the Associated Press.

Gillies claims if a black hole is accidentally created it will only mess up the supercollider itself and burrow into the rock surrounding the tunnel. I'm sure Gillies has plenty experience dealing with rogue black holes.

For the sake of our planet, I hope Gillies' worst-case-scenario is correct. Be careful with your protons, boys. Safety first.

But nothing so minor as the risk of creating an earth-gobbling, spaghetti-making black hole was able to stop CERN Wednesday morning from firing up their Large Hadron Collider, or "doomsday machine," if you like.

So far, my arms don't appear to be any longer. CERN threatens to push the machine to full power in about a year so things might start getting interesting then.

The potential for destroying the planet cannot stop the supercollider. After all, it cost $10 billion to build. That would just be money straight down the toilet if they didn't hit the "on" button. That $10 billion is a small price to pay for the fascinating data the scientists gained today, causing them to pop champagne corks in celebration. The scientists were thrilled to achieve white dots on blue computer screens. Well done.

The news is a little disheartening this week with $10 billion spent for white dots and black holes, severance packages of $7 million for the outgoing Freddie Mack and Fannie Mae CEOs who oversaw and apparently did nothing about irresponsible lending of money. Sex scandals involving the Department of the Interior and oil companies. Shocking stuff.

I wish I could get a big piece of the pie. I need a new roof on my cabin. It would be really nice to put in a septic tank so that I could eventually install a toilet.

But chin up, keep the faith. Our time will come if the black holes don't get us first.

-- DeNeal is a staff writer for the Daily Register in Harrisburg, Ill., and Daily Journal in Eldorado, Ill. He receives e-mail at bdeneal@yourclearwave.com.