The Daily Register - Harrisburg, IL
Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia and trying to hold onto just a little bit of her former, COOL, pre-mom self!
Ho-Ho-Hoping for a Healthy Holiday
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About this blog
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, ...
Family Humor
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a momoir, will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, including www.todaysmama.com, www.rolemommy.com and www.newjerseymomsblog.com and is an official blogger for Lifetime Television's hit show, The Balancing Act. She also does stand-up comedy and has appeared at venues including The Comic Strip Live in NYC and The Erma Bombeck Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Before she became a columnist, Beckerman was a writer and producer in the television industry for 10 years, managing the advertising & promotion department at WCBS-TV New York. Tracy is married to a very understanding guy. They have two children and live in New Jersey where she writes, does battle with woodchucks and avoids, at all costs, driving a minivan.
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By lostinsuburbiablog
Dec. 25, 2012 11:15 a.m.

Woman's Arm in a SlingThis month, while most people are suffering from colds and flu, I have developed a lesser-known malady known as Lickity Spit Tongue. This condition is marked by a dry, slighty gummy tongue, caused by licking hundreds of stamps and envelopes for my holiday cards because the post office ran out of the self-stick kind.
While Lickity Spit Tongue may be new to you, there are actually a number of unusual afflictions that you wont necessarily find on WebMD that are specific to this month alone. Yes, the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year. But they can also be fraught with danger. So here to help you keep an eye out for those yuletide dangers is a list of holiday maladies you should try to avoid. They are not usually serious but can be quite painful:
Wrapping Paper Elbow: Pain in one or both elbows caused by contortions created by trying to wrap weird shaped toys, sports equipment and puppies.
Carpal Tunnel Tip Syndrome: A repetitive use injury. Pain caused by a constant wrist flicking motion required to dole out cash tips at a frenzied pace to people you really dont like but need good service from.
Some Assembly Required Myopia: Blurred vision, tearing, and a slight crossing of the eyes caused by trying to read the directions (usually in another language) for putting together toys that look fully assembled on the package but arrive in 600 pieces.
Fruitcake Contusion: Bruising and/or breaking of appendage that occurs when you drop a fruitcake on your foot
Holiday Gift Hiding Strain: Pulled muscle, stiff neck, and back pain caused by trying to shove heavy gifts into obscure hiding places so the kids wont find them. (see also Holiday Gift Hiding Concussion, a related condition caused by the gift you hid falling onto your head).
Egg Nog Head: A fuzzy, swollen and slightly nauseous feeling you have for 24 hours after indulging in too much egg nog, devilled eggs, and basically anything else that has the word egg in it at a holiday party.
Partial Post Holiday Hearing Loss: Caused by the incessant playing of Christmas music from Thanksgiving to New Years. Note: This is a hysterical condition caused by frequency of exposure rather than level of sound, and usually dissipates by Groundhog Day.
Wishing you and your loved ones a safe and happy holiday season!
2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
FINAL Book Cover copyMy new book, “Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant. Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs” is now available for PRE-ORDER! Yes, I know it won’t be out for 4 months, but think of how excited you’ll be in anticipation of receiving your copy the moment it comes out!” To pre-order yours, CLICK HERE>
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